I had meant to post something about my impending jaunt to scripture union camp a couple of months ago but never got round to it. This was possibly, in no small part, due to the fact that I never thought it would actually happen.
Several months ago Elizabeth Anne and myself were travelling back from somewhere with the Webb family... I can't remember where although I think that perhaps a KFC may be involved. I'm guessing it was probably the 25th anniversary of Tayside Christian Fellowship. Somehow in conversation Donald joked that he still needed an Assistant Team Leader for his Scripture Union camp at Scoughall. This caused great hilarity as Donalds camp is (I was about to say both, but if you list more than two things I don't think that counts as 'both') outdoors, roughing it, active, hard work etc not to mention the fact that you need experience with children, experience with camp and expereince with christian leading. As I am probably the person in the World who lacks all of the above most I found it a really funny joke as Donald was obviously joking. The thing about Donald though is that he very often does say things he means disguised as a joke... mainly disparaging remarks about my character, appearance, attitude, lifestyle etc. I gave it little further thought until he asked me again repeatedly on subsequent occassions. Eventually, during one of my regular spells of insanity, I relented and said 'yes'... really I thought I was just double-bluffing him thinking that as he never expected me to say 'yes' me actually saying 'yes' would put an end to the joke... it didn't work!
Planning for camp: When I actually came to terms with the fact that there was a slight possibility that I could perhaps, in theory, maybe... possibly... actually be going to camp should I not die, should Donald not find someone else, should I somehow get through 'the system' I hit 'panic' mode and the usual self-doubt kicked in. I was terrified. I woke up every night in a cold sweat having had some camp-related nightmare or other and lay awake for hours hoping it had all just been a big sick twisted nightmare... it wasn't (now come on, do I ever exagerate?). I immediately set about doing my research. If I lacked skills and experience then at least I should be as well prepared as possible. I decided to try and gather as much information from the previous years ATL John Gillan (who was going off to run a camp of his own) and set about annoying him for the next few weeks by asking him question after question about every tiny, and to him irrelevant, detail about camp... What time's this at? What happens if...? How many blades of grass on the archery field? Are these my feet? He got fed up quite quickly and just told me that all this stuff was stuff you knew through experience and that that's why they never have ATL's who haven't got experience as group leaders... that really made me feel better.
Form Filling: Part of the process of becoming a leader at camp is getting 'through the system' which means getting approved by Scripture Union, the camp team leader (Donald) and gaining an enhanced disclosure from disclosure Scotland. It was getting pretty late in the day so forms needed to be filled out pretty quickly. I always enjoy filling out forms which I know most people hate doing but it gives an opportunity to write a load of rubbish such as.
Q: Do you have any mental health issues?
A: Not at the moment but ask me again after I've spent a week on camp.
Q: Do you have a valid mini-bus driving license?
A: Probably not a good idea as I'm registered blind.
I can't remember what other drivel I wrote. I had to get two references so I found two people who didn't know anything about the qualities required (and I lacked) for the job and who were also open to bribery. Having settled on the fee of 20p, a packet of milkyway magic stars and a curly wurly Paul Johnston and Stuart McColl decided to by my 'referees'... actually, that reminds me. One of the 'usual' jobs of ATL is football referee. I remember at school Mr Durrant, my English teacher (who'd probably have a field day if he read this and saw my distinct lack of command of English grammar and punctuation), told me I'd make an ideal football referee as I was fat, couldn't run, couldn't see past the end of my nose and knew absolutely nothing about the rules of football. I sent my form of promptly and urged Paul and Stuart to do the same as SU don't send out disclosure forms until they've received both references. I waited... and waited... and waited. Eventually I checked with Stuart and Johnston to see if they'd sent them the next day as I had stressed (and I mean stressed, I'm always stressed). My text reply back from Johnstone read along the lines of 'oops'. If it hadn't been for the fact that I couldn't bare to let Donald down then I would have been delighted at the prospect of not getting through the system in time. Eventually I got through the system... and even got disclosed in time. To be honest, my biggest fear above everything else wasn't for myself and if the experience of camp would kill me it was the fear of Donald putting his trust in me and me letting him down.
Laminating: I decided that any good ATL needs a laminator and whilst browsing on ebay I thought it would be really nice to be able to laminate A3 things so promptly purchased an A3 laminator. After completing the transaction it occurred to me that I don't actually have an A3 printer. As my good wife would, no doubt, tell you... I am a plank.
The programme: One aspect of the role that I did find comfortable was putting the program together, working out what could be done at what time and slotting everything round so that all campers got to do each activity but within the confines of what activities needed scheduled and available resources. It's actually trickier than it sounds. I also enjoyed doing the tent allocation, making everything into nice neat understandable tables etc. I made sure I had copies of daily schedules, weekly programmes, tent numbers, pictures, team lists, camper lists, camper info for all who required copies of each thing... laminated where I thought it might be useful. Being well prepared in this department gave me a little bit of confidence... actually I lie... I was still terrified.
The campsite needed to be prepared so we wet up a couple of times prior to the start of camping season to get it ship-shape. As I couldn't really do much else one of my jobs was to cut the grass on the archery and football fields. I was mowing away when suddenly my chugging sound stopped and the engine started to screech and smoke billowed out. I immediately turned off the blades and drove round to Donald to inform him I'd killed his machine... which he'd lectured me on various times telling me what consequences I would endure for killing his dear mower. He looked underneath it and pulled out a dead rabbit... nice! I had narrowly avoided killing the machine with my prompt action so went back to doing the lawn.
Camp was looming. i didn't have the skills or experience but I was as well prepared as I could be and I was willing to try my absolute hardest and then some.
Read all about it in the next exciting installment of Camp Phil.
