Amazon

What does the word 'Amazon' mean to you? Probably the same as me... a lovely website where I purchase presents from my friends, lots of Cliff Richard albums and the occassional PSP game.

Did you know that it's also the name of a jungle? They must have named the jungle after the website... not sure why though.

Again, this is one of my blogs that is well-overdue in being published but as I'm having a marathon blogging session then here goes.

Very rarely in life are you fortunate to find a friend who you can share everything with, share the sad moments, share your happiest moments, give advice, receive advice and generally enjoy each others company and never be too busy for. I'm yet to find a friend like that but I know someone called 'Arlene' and she's okish... for a total plank and a bit of a 'looser' (her spelling, not mine).

Having been told by my lovely and tactful wife that she had nothing going for her Arlene said that she might as well go and stay in the middle of the Amazon with all the insects, snakes, lack of basic toilet facilities (did you know they don't flush toilet roll down the toilet?... more on that story later). Elizabeth Anne, kind as ever, said 'off you go then' so Arlene decided to go and use her skills as a pharmacist in the amazon working for a charity called the vine trust... after a slight detour around the rest of the world first.

It didn't hit home at first quite how much we'd both miss her. You get into your usual comfort zone. Over the previous year or so she'd been coming round more and more often... especailly latterly as an unemployed dosser looking for a free feed and with nothing better to do... and it's nice for Lizzie and I to have a break from each others company. In fairness, we see a lot more of each other than most people and in our short lives have probably spent more hours together one on one that the vast majority of couples do in a lifetime of marriage. I will never tire of Lizzie's company as I will never tire of Domino's Pizza or McDonalds as all three are lovely although having just one without any break isn't all that healthy. Arlene gets to come round and get between are usual fighting... for most couples constant fighting means marital disharmony... Lizzie and I agree that life without the back and forward banter of bitching and bickering would be very boring!

Arlene was to be away for two months (nearly typed in moths, horrible scary creatures... always give me a fright... oh wait until I type my Keswick blog... I have a deeply deeply traumatic and scary story about moths) and we were given the great responsibility of recording and saving ER for her. On her very last day in Scotland we made sure she had armed herself with a quad-band phone and enough credit to text us every day that she wasn't in some strange country without a mobile phone signal. We did get these updates and it was nice to hear from her. I was glad to find out that I could text for free no matter where she was in the Worrld using my 3000 free texts per month... which I always try to use in full every month... I'm not wasting them... I like value for money! We constantly worried about her safety, and sanity... why put yourself through conditions even more basic than Scoughall?!?!? but she arrived back fit and well with lots of stories of various countries and the Amazon (did you know they don't flush toilet paper down the toilet?!?!?!?!?). Lizzie and I both thought she was very brave whilst agreeing that we would never ben that adventurous and would leave that sort of thing to others.

Well done on your good work Arlene, just don't go off gallivanting again as I don't like having to worry about my best friends safety (and the fact she can't flush toilet paper down the toilet, did you know that they don't do that in the amazon?!?!?!?!?!?) and for purely selfish reasons I missed you... and so did Lizzie who didn't have anyone other than me to verbally abuse for once.