Self-Improvement

Well,

It's 6:45 and I've been to bed. I thought I'd have an early night to catch up on sleep so went to bed at 1am but I bright and alert... alert at least... well, as much as I'm ever alert... by 4:30am. Perhaps it's the excitement of knowing I'm going to the hairdresser today and maybe even getting highlights or knowing that I took a huge step on my quest for self-betterment last night. Sometimes you have to do things that aren't going to be of direct benefit to yourself just because they're the 'right' thing to do and it makes you a better person. I want, more and more, to think of others and not myself. I want to make those around me happy but I also need to think of myself and making those around me happy by turning myself into someone they can be proud to be associated with rather than someone to be ashamed of. I know my friends hate to hear me say that and that the only person ashamed of me is me and that I have no good cause. My life has improved tremendously in the last two or three months. For the first time I'm positive about the future and just can't believe that I'm fortunate enough to have broken free of all the daily abuse I thought was just normal and that, above all, I thought I deserved.

My next challenge is to work out the difference between targets I set for myself which are unattainable and those that I could achieve if I was more driven and less scared of actually going full out for them. I think every major target needs broken down into little steps which can be achieved.

Do me a favour? If you see me eating something I shouldn't be, stop me! You need to be cruel to be kind sometimes. I've had two better days of diet since I've been at Gary & Roz's... although I could have been even better. It's back to Donald & Dorothy's this afternoon with cupboards packed full of tasty treats for kids. I'm going to keep this blog up-to-date with my diet. It's almost going to be a sort of food diary. I'm not going to list everything I eat (although I hope that'd take up less space than it has in recent months) but I'm going to write when I think I've been especially good or especially bad.

Based on me being 15st 4 at the moment my target for next Friday is 14st 12. This'll be my first week back on my diet and I should be able to shift that amount in the first week so I don't think that's unattainable. I also need to exercise and make sure I fill up on lots of fruit and veg so that I'm losing fat and not lean muscle tissue. I should also lose a fair amount of fluid.